Releasing

My Angel,

It's been raining for two weeks now, with the sun peeking in between the clouds every now & then. We're trying to make the best of it. Still taking Rocky on long walks in between the rain showers, enjoying warm home cooked meals, snuggling in bed or on the couch; watching our favorite movies, shows, or reading books. Your sisters have been busy studying for their SOL's. But the gloominess can be super depressing and we're all tired of it now. We are ready for some sun!

I've also been thinking of the conversation Tom & I had a couple weeks ago now, about trying to think of ways to raise awareness in your honor. He had a few good ideas, recommending that we set up a website first- somewhere people can go to find out more information about us, about Type One & about any upcoming initiatives we plan.

I set up a website last night, but it looks like just another blog. Sadly, all the names I wanted were already taken: Hailey's Angels, Hailey's Hope, Hailey's Wish & Hailey's Hero's. Even sadder- they are all in dedication to other Hailey's that passed in different ways. :(

So for now, it's Haileyflies. :)

https://haileyflies.com/

It doesn't exactly look like what I pictured, but it's a start. Tom said maintaining it would take some work & possibly be costly. He was right- to have access to more designs, it costs more. Of course. But nothing worthwhile is ever easy, I know that.

Some days it feels overwhelming & I feel like I'd be fine just hiding & grieving in silence. Other days I think the silence would eventually swallow me whole. I know me & I know I have to keep busy. But I have to be careful & pace myself.

I've been reading a book written by the founder of the our support group on FB. She started writing it 6 months after losing her 13 year old son Jesse. She's a major advocate for Type One- started advocating almost right away after her son passed. She warns of doing "too much too soon", after she found herself having a nervous breakdown while working on a big project to honor her son.

That's what I do, my mouse. I read & I write. It helps me. It burns the midnight hours & even the midday hours- like today. Whenever my mind is full & needs releasing....

My job at work & here at home keep me occupied of course. But it's those times in between that I need the most help. I figure if I'm going to lose sleep anyway- I might as well be doing something I love. Beats some of the other alternatives I've read about- like downing bottles of wine before bed! Although it sounds good- it doesn't sound healthy.

So being the book nerd that I am- I read mostly.

I've read so many books my mouse! Not all grieving ones, but all in some way related to love, loss & hardship. They are books that just found me somehow...maybe thanks to you.

I read them one after another, just in the last couple of months. I started with Glass Castle, which I loved. On the back it said...if you love this book, then read Angela's Ashes & A tree grows in Brooklyn. So I did. Loved them all.

 

Then I got the book Brooklyn to read next. But Sissy wanted me to read Love Letters to the Dead first. We were at Target one day and she ran across it. She read the back & it mentioned Kurt Cobain & she was sold. After reading the book, she knew that you sent it to her to read. After reading it, I do too.

I dog-eared so many pages for quotes, but I don't have them in front of me. These are just a few of my favorites.

My beautiful angel.
I'm always trying to find my way back to you.
Trying to keep open minded. Trying to be positive. Trying to believe.

I love & miss you every single day.

Forever,
Your mommy