It's the week before school starts and we've been running around trying to get your sisters ready. That means- Dr. Appointments, haircuts, back to school shopping (with your teenage sissy...that means shopping in many places to look for specific things= exhausting), class orientation, and so on.
It hit me early- the back to school shopping aisles in the stores, the posts on FB & on Instagram from your friends....everywhere reminding me that it's that time of year. Yet another year that everyone is growing and moving on...
I've tried not to let grief take hold baby girl, but sometimes it's unavoidable. I was having a tough couple of weeks. It seems everywhere I go, I am reminded.
We try to stay busy, but my mind always goes there. In the aisles, I find myself wondering what you would of begged me to buy you, or guessing which things you would of picked, asking myself how much your tastes would of changed...what new styles or fads you would of been into. You were always my little fashionista, so I know it would of been cute & fashionable.
It makes my heart ache. Each milestone is so hard.
I try & remind myself of how proud I am of your sisters. How they had a great year last year & how they are looking forward to this year (at least Bella is, she is bored enough at home where she's ready to go back. Sissy on the other hand is a typical teen and would prefer to sleep in :).
I was feeling down with all this on my mind, when I got a beautiful surprise in the mail on Wednesday:
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| A handmade quilt made from 19 Quilts for Natalie that my cousin Gloria ordered for me. So beautiful & perfect. If you notice, it has an empty space in the heart- the hole in our hearts that will remain forever. |
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| So sweet & sad, this mom lost her daughter Natalie in a car accident yet still finds it in her to send quilts to other grieving moms... |
I was in tears my mouse. It really touched me, specially when I read the note. I felt so thankful to have the family that we do- even my cousin Gloria (Kita) who lives all the way in Italy & who wasn't able to be here during the service or here in general...
It was so sweet & thoughtful of her. The quilt is absolutely beautiful, like you. We really did feel your love & the love of my prima wrapped around us. Bella slept with it the first night, then we put it on your bed the next day, so it could have your "germs" on it, as Bella said. So whenever we need to feel that love again, we can wrap ourselves in it and it will really have some part of you all over it. <3
Daddy saw it too & he loved it. He got teary eyed & gave us a big hug.
There are good people in this world, my mouse. Specially people who are suffering the most, like Natalie's mom.
This type of goodness is extra special because it comes from a place that was born within us, at the same time a part of us died. It's the goodness that saved us & keeps us alive; not only physically but mentally. It fulfills some of the emptiness we feel after we lost our babies. It's the same type of goodness that fills me when I try & spread awareness or do something good in your name...
It's the very meaning of hope.
https://www.facebook.com/19quiltsfornatalie/
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| I saw this the other day and saved it. How it applies to this letter now, baby girl... |
My week was topped off yesterday when your friend Gabi and her mom came by to pick up an extra memorial bracelet that Dom's mom ordered for all the kids after you passed. Hers accidentally broke and Gabi's mom said she was upset. I'm so glad she contacted me through Instagram- one of the reasons I keep that account open.
It made my day baby girl. I gave her a big hug. I recognized her right away and I told her anytime, that I still have many left. I also gave her the blue Type One Diabetes one we ordered last year. Her mom said to let her know the next time we do the 5k walks...
It just made me happy to know your friends still think about you. That they wear their bracelet "proud" as her mom said. But then again how could they not? You were always my social butterfly and not only that, you were a good friend. Your sweet, funny, outgoing & even sassy personality made so many love you.
You are not so forgettable baby girl. Your life made an imprint on so many lives. You still live in all of us.
We always remember, miss & love you. <3
Forever,
Your mommy
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| Always remembering your sweet smile. My sunshine. <3 |
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