Babies

Baby girl,

We are nearing the end of the month. Memorial weekend, pool opens, Gabby's bday, Joshua's bday...(in reverse order).

We just celebrated Alina's bday on Sunday & watched Mia Anne the night before. It was our first time babysitting her- she's so adorable. Sissy had to work so it was just me & Bella. She was so excited to help babysit.

There's a special connection to her besides her having your middle name. :)

Auntie Alina thinks you had something to do with the blessing of Mia. She told me the day of your 2nd anniversary that she always felt a special connection between the two of you- that she talked to you when she was pregnant with her. It made me smile to hear it & I feel it too. <3

I know if you were here, we wouldn't of had a chance to even hold her. Bella & I smiled talking about it & picturing you hogging the baby all to yourself. We were talking about it when Alina came over for your bday celebration too. We were also talking & joking about "who would be next" in the family...

Auntie Carolina was telling us she had a dream that Uncle Mikey & Auntie Zulen were expecting. We guessed it would be either them or Horacio next.

Sure enough the very next day Uncle Mikey called & told me the great news, that they are in fact expecting! Immediately your sisters & I smiled saying that again- you had something to do with this baby too. :)

We laughed picturing you up there with a magic wand sprinkling fairy dust & sending babies down. I know once their baby would be born, you would of left Mia in the dust...

You had a tendency to do that with Papi & Ayde's babies. Natalia was your baby until Ricky was born. Then Ricky became your baby until Valeria was born. You quickly dumped Ricky & Val became yours. You always paid attention to the newest & youngest baby...but Joshua was always yours, even as he was grew up.

Always the mommy.

I know you are busy up there being the mommy too to all those precious angels.
...

I know you are happy about the new babies in the family too. But it makes me sad that these two babies won't know their mama Hailey. :(

It won't be the same, but we will try & give them the special love & attention you would give them...

The family is growing my mouse.

Life keeps changing & I'm just trying to keep up.

At least we are adding lives & not losing any. Always looking to be grateful for something.
...

I know I will always wonder how many you would of had. We always thought you'd have a full house full of babies, with your red Ferrari & many closets full of dresses & shoes. :|

I know they would of been beautiful babies- just like their mama. I would of been spoiling each one...

...

I love you my little girl.

I had the thought in my head today of what Fran (Juno's mom & your old babysitter) said to me in an email when she first found out...

She said that nothing more can happen after this...nothing bad.

That she didn't think God would be so cruel. That he would have mercy on us & that he would carry us through. That we could only be blessed from now on.

That made me think of what my aunts would say before you left too...the days I was going through a rough time with Daddy.

They promised God would carry us & that nothing bad would happen...

But they were wrong.

I hope Fran isn't wrong too.

I want to believe so bad that things will be ok from here on out.

Just one day at a time.

Goodnight my angel.

I love & miss you.

Forever & ever,
Your mommy