Memory

My mouse,

I saw this pic the other day on my FB memories & my heart skipped a beat.

I had a sudden flashback of this day, 3 years ago last October when we were in Tennessee visiting Uncle Mikey & family.

We were in Downtown Chattanooga sightseeing & walking around. Here in this pic, I was lagging behind taking pictures (as always) & you turned around to check on me, to make sure I wasn't too far behind.

That look on your sweet face was one of concern & of "Mom, what are you doing?? Hurry up." But you waited for me anyway to catch up, as you always would.

My sweet girl. <3
...

You were always a mama's girl. Always my tail. Always by my side. Always concerned & worried if I lagged behind or if I wasn't in sight...

The only voicemail I still have of you- was you being worried because I was taking too long while shopping one day.

The time you lost sight of me at Kohl's & you were crying & so scared...

Baby girl.  I miss that. I miss being needed by you & having you worry & being concerened for me.

I miss you. <3
...

You are always & forever in my heart. It's there where love & pain collide; an everyday struggle.

On one end, I wish I could jump back in this picture & take you back. To grab you & hug you & never let you go. The fact that I can't pains me...a crushing pain of pure anguish & despair.

On the other end of that is a pure undying love I feel for you- a love so big there is no name for it, no words that come close to describing the immensity of it....& I suddenly feel so overwhelmed by it, that it drowns out everything else..

I look at that beautiful innocent face & I suddenly feel so thankful for having the chance to be your mommy. To know this kind of love. For the gift I was given. Because even though it was taken from me too soon, it was mine, it is still mine.

You were & will always be mine.

The pain I feel doesn't compare to the love I feel.

And deep down I know & believe that you are looking out for your mommy from Heaven, just like you always did here on Earth.

My sweet angel.

I love you forever.

Mommy <3