Letters to Hailey : Bella's bday

My sweet Hailey,

We missed you today. Your baby sister turned 12, I can't believe it. As always with bdays, a certain nostalgia sets in. I'm feeling it especially now, thinking of you girls when you were little. How close you have been since birth.

I was pretty good all day. The waves of grief were in the horizon but kept at bay.

I got up early to make pancakes & stayed busy. It happened to be Daddy's day off & he woke up early too to have a bday breakfast & see your sisters off to school. As always, we lit a candle in your name. I know you were there baby girl, but I still missed you.

Bella opened her presents & changed into one of her new bday outfits. She was happy. :)

She also made me buy 24 cupcakes for her friends at lunch, which she carried all the way to the bus stop. She came home saying the whole entire cafeteria was singing to her & how random kids she didn't know came up to her asking for cupcakes & told them no....

Your sister has a way of telling stories in such an enthusiastic & funny way, she always makes us smile. She reminds me so much of you. <3

Later we went to have a yummy dinner at the Cheesecake Factory, it was a great day after all.
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I know I haven't been writing as much lately, yet I have so much to tell.

Instead of figuring out where to start, I will start, as always with what's in my heart.
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Tonight it's these pics I pulled up from Bella's baby albums:

These memories is what I want to remember tonight, my sweet girl.

Your happiness & curiosity when we brought Bella home from the hospital. How you used to watch over her & laugh at ever coo or movement, how you would crack up when she passed gas. :)

How you would call her Bella, even though her name is Isabelle.

How out of all the babies you were going to fall in love with after Bella, she was your first.

How sweet & cute my 3 girls were.
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I will leave it at that for tonight my angel.

If I'm lucky I will fall asleep early with these beautiful images in my head.