Etched

Dear Hailey,

I look at this pic from Bella's birthday 3 years ago; how familiar things look, yet how different things are now.

We are still living in the same house. I still have those plants, furniture & decorations. Those beautiful smiles of my girls, so familiar to my heart & soul. Two have changed except one.

In those three years, two have grown up & matured faster than they should, gotten taller, otherwise not much altered. But one has stayed the same. She will always stay the same. Forever 10, while her sisters get to keep growing & celebrate more birthdays.

I will have this picture forever etched in my heart. These days will always be my "good ole days."
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If only we could stay like that, frozen in time, during those good ole days.

But we can't baby girl. I've learned this the hard way. We must go on somehow. We can't live or be stuck in the past. It's so hard to do, one of the hardest things that I'm still trying to learn. Specially when the past has you in it...

We still make memories, the best way we could, always imagining you here with us, but it's not the same.
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Three years later, your sister turned 12. We didn't have a party at home, but she got to celebrate with her friends yesterday by going to see Paddington (still a kid at heart) & then pizza, saltenas & cake with the family today.

One of the friends she invited was Addison (Dom's sister) & I got to see their mom Wendy yesterday. It's always nice to see her friendly face. She will forever be a reminder to me that there are good people in this world that really do care. I will always consider her a friend, who reached out & brought some light in a time we were stuck in the darkness. She knew you, they knew you & will never forget. <3
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Bella had a lot of fun baby girl. I was happy for her. Grief didn't make an appearance yesterday, for her at least.

Today we got to see Papi's new house! It's true, baby girl. He officially bought it last week. After all this time...we're all really happy for them.

It's bittersweet of course. So many memories at the old house, the basement.

I can remember when we got back from Bolivia, Papi said he had flashbacks of you running down the stairs to the basement, beating Bella & Sissy & barging in the door, running straight for the baby. He said he won't every forget you doing that every single time. It broke his heart. It breaks mine too.

So many memories. Etched into our hearts.
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Things are constantly changing baby girl, they don't stay the same.

We will keep on making new memories of course, but it will be different.

They're not moved in yet, but we went back after eating saltenas & pizza to take a look at the house again, trying to picture them in it.

But the old house, the old basement, all those memories. We won't forget.

Memories, etched in our hearts & minds. The only things that can't change, the only thing no one can take away from us.
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Tonight I will thank our blessings. I will say a little prayer for Auntie, who got into a car accident & isn't feeling well. :( Please look after her if you can.

Also, I will say a little prayer for a friend from high school who just lost her daughter to depression. She took her own life. :( This broke my heart & I was in tears when I read her post on Facebook. I'm praying so hard for her.

Life is so hard baby girl. Even as we count our blessings there are bad things that happen & we can't help but question- why??
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I miss you with every breath I take.

Everyday I say hello, good morning & everyday I say goodnight, sweet dreams, until I see you again.

I love you my sweet angel. Forever, etched into my heart.

Today & forever,
Your mommy <3

Making memories for your sisters.