Today is the last day of January. All the big holidays & birthdays of the winter season have passed. The next one to plan is Papi's 70th in March. I'm going to put some effort & energy into trying to plan something special & memorable.
Not only is it a special milestone, but it will give me something to think about other than dread the couple of months after that.
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Winter hasn't left us yet though. After a few days of teasing Spring-like weather, we're back to freezing temps. I know your sisters are hoping for at least a couple more snow days. We'll have to see...
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Yesterday I missed you so much I had this longing feeling to see your beautiful face & to hug you & never let you go...
Even though it was freezing Bella & I went to see you at the gardens, not only to change your flowers from Christmas to Spring colors (they throw away all the Christmas decorations on Feb 1st), but to say a quick hello.
Sissy had to work, but she especially picked these flowers out for you on her own.
During Christmas, she asked if she could pick out your flowers next time & I was so delighted she asked, I said of course. It really warmed my heart that she wants to take part. It may not seem like a big deal, but it is baby girl.
It has more meaning than anyone knows. It's somewhat of a ritual that helps with grieving & healing. As a parent, it's all I have left to do for you as far as "taking care of you"- the part of me that still feels the need to because I will be your mom forever....
I forget that your sisters need this too. So I'm glad she brought it up, I'm glad she asked. They are beautiful. They look like you. <3
I told them they can take turns picking out your flowers every season. Bella can't wait for her turn.
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This big beautiful full moon appeared while the sun was setting at the gardens & I had to take a pic:
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| It looked so much bigger in person. |
The longing feeling never leaves me my angel, but some days it's harder than others. Today it's still one of the harder days.
I try to stay busy, to keep my mind occupied. But it's also good to let it out, to write these letters...
I love & miss you so much.
I know you are doing great things in Heaven.
I want you to know that I'm so proud of you & I can't wait to see you again so you can tell me all about it.
I want you to know that when I look up at the sky I always smile knowing that you are up there doing these great things, the work of an angel. <3
I love you my mouse.
Today & always,
Your mommy
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