Today the sun finally came out, after what feels like days & weekends of rain & gloominess. Even though I try not to let it affect me, it does. Yesterday, I had to take a "me" day, because I could feel the heaviness in my heart.
Instead of staying home though, I forced myself to go out & treat myself to a haircut & to get my eyebrows waxed. I happened to look at a mirror the other day when I went out to run some errands & I didn't like what I saw.
Working from home has it's perks, but it's easy to let oneself go...without noticing, I guess it's happening to me.
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It was good to take a "mental health day" too. Away from the gloominess of my work & away from the gloominess of the house.
I've started to work out at home & started jogging a little too. Just a little for now, because of my darn knees. Hopefully I can build strength & endurance over time.
But all this causes the triggers baby girl. This internal struggle...
I'm trying to remember, to choose love, my angel.
It's the cycle- of winter months, weight gain, then New Years, new resolutions, Spring, wanting to lose weight & get back in shape....the cycle. I wonder if it will be like this every year. Every year with the same memories...
But I look in the mirror & don't like what I see, or how I feel. I try & remind myself, that you would want me- us, be healthy, both in physical & spiritual mind. That you would want us to keep continuing what we wanted to accomplish three years ago.
I know you would. But it's still hard. Even though, Sissy joined the gym on her own about a month ago. Bella started dance lessons just before Christmas. She goes every Friday & will be in a recital in June. She loves it.
We are trying baby girl, for us & for you.
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In the meantime, I'm still trying to spread awareness in these little ways. In sharing on FB or Instagram.
This is how we go on, my angel.
Even with so much pain, so much struggle, we push forward.
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I have been going through pics & scanning them for Papi's bday slideshow. So many memories, many triggers there too...
All these special moments that build a lifetime. It's like watching a movie or reading a book of someone else's life baby girl. So many scenes, so many chapters...
It's hard to capture them all in a short slide show, but I'll try.
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I'm hoping for more sun this week my angel. Last night while walking Rocky, me & your sisters noticed the stars & the clear sky again after days of rain & we all said in unison,
"Hi Mouse!" <3
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We love & miss you. Every single day.
Always & forever,
Your mommy <3
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