It's late Sunday night & I need to write to you. Too many days have gone by, too many things on my mind & tomorrow is Memorial Day...
I just got off work believe it or not. Trying to pick up extra hours when I can, because it looks like we might be moving after all. Nothing has been made official yet, hopefully we'll know something this week for sure. It's a long process...
But if everything goes well, we could be ready to move as soon as a couple weeks. Like I mentioned in my last letter, we have mixed feelings, but overall they are good.
I feel that if it wasn't meant to be it won't happen. Again, always looking for signs. And so far, they all have been good. <3
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It means change. Many things will be changing, but hopefully for the better.
Daddy has been excited & positive about this whole thing (not in the very beginning, but now yes) & it's started to rub off on me. It's actually pretty amazing my mouse- to see him this way.
I can remember a time when Daddy's disease took over & nothing really made him happy. Everyday & everything was centered around his illness.
And to hear him now talk about the new place to Grandmom & Uncle Chris, sounding happy & excited...
The other night as we talked again, about how hard it would be for me to pack your room, he told me he had already talked to you about it. He said he went to see you at the gardens to clean off your plaque since they had just mowed the lawn. He said he told you how we were taking you with us. That no matter what, no matter where we go, we will always bring you with us.
It's true my angel. Wherever we go, you will go too. <3
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So we've been busy already going through some things. My first big project was the garage & I'm almost done. Sissy was with me today, organizing & purging. Made a visit to Goodwill & the used bookstore to donate & sell them a few books of hers...it's going to be a long process, but since we have until the end of July, we're going to do a little at a time. No hurry.
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Yesterday was the first day the pool opened & sure enough a memory popped up on FB of you & Bella all dressed up in your swim gear, ready for the pool. <3
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| I may have shared this before, but I'll share it again. Always so stylish my mouse, even for the pool. :) |
It made me miss you so much baby girl.
I picked up Daniella & Natalia so your sister wouldn't feel the sting of it too. She was so excited to be the first ones in- I'm so thankful your sister is still a kid at heart. She still gets so excited about these things & since I know it won't last forever, I'm enjoying & every bit of it while it lasts.
Or maybe like you, she'll be a mermaid forever. :) <3
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While they were swimming, I was reading a book I ordered online a couple months ago: The Light Between Us by Laura Lynne Jackson. It was recommended by Aiden's mom, so I knew it would be good.
It's an autobiography written about her life- as a medium. I know, another medium. But this is one of those books, just like those in past, along with movies, songs etc that have crossed my path, I believe; not by accident, my angel.
She even says it herself in the beginning: "it's not an accident or a coincidence that this book came into your possession. You were meant to read it."
So here I was at the pool, feeling sad thinking of you; missing you. After thinking of you all week...after seeing the medium the weekend before & waiting for a sign that said, "Mommy, I'm sorry that I wasn't able to come through, but I'm here. I'm ok. I'm still here..."
When after a few pages of reading, I turn to this:
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Big fat tears started pouring out of my face baby girl. I'm sure you saw...
I was wearing glasses & a hat, yet I knew the tears were streaming down my face so hard it was noticeable. So I turned away from the girls- who just then decided to sit next to me & take a break.
As I turned my head away from them- I saw it & my eyes followed it. A beautiful yellow monarch butterfly flutter all the way down from the roof of the pool-house to underneath our umbrella & then flew away.
Like a quick stop, just to say hello.
The girls saw it too, except Daniella was paying more attention to my face I think, noticing my tears.
So I wiped my face & smiled. My heart smiled too.
I later told Bella & Sissy. Sissy asked, "was her name spelled the same way?" So I showed her how it was & read her the part...
She said, "Mommy, that message was to you from Hailey." I said, "I know honey. I know." and smiled a smile that came from the bottom of my soul my angel. <3
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These signs give me air to breathe again baby girl.
It's the only way I can really explain it.
Just like the medium explains, that after the reading, Hailey's mom sent her a letter with an angel figurine- writing to her that the reading saved her life. That her daughter saved her life. Because after the reading, she realized that not only is her daughter was always with her, but that there was nothing she could have done differently.
Her only job was to love her unconditionally, which she did. Knowing this, allowed her to live again...even if still somewhat broken; at least not completely crushed.
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It's true Hailey. You & God saved my life too. With these signs, with this knowledge. Otherwise, I'd never be able to go on.
Thank you both. I'm so thankful.
I love you my sweet angel.
So much. With every cell. Always unconditionally.
Forever & forever,
Your mommy
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| <3 |
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