Dear Hailey,

Today we packed a little more of your things. Sissy and Bella helped. This past weekend Auntie & the boys came to help too. I was so glad I didn’t have to do it alone. It would of been so much harder...

But having Auntie there the first day- I was so thankful babygirl. The boys too were so sweet, saying they always miss you. What made it wonderful is that we were sharing our Hailey stories, and just talking about you in general. My favorite thing to do.

It’s amazing how many memories a physical item can bring back...different than a picture. Your babies, stuffed animals, a drawing, your favorite pair of shoes or jeans...

Peoples, places & events come back. You come back. My sweet angel.

You come back to me laughing, smiling...and suddenly I can hear your voice again. I can see the light in your eyes. The joy fills my heart.

Of course it makes me miss you too, my mouse. So very much.

...

Being in your room filled with your things- makes me feel so close to you. Like any minute you’re going to come back, walking through the door.

The fact that you won’t. That you never will again...

Like Auntie said, it’s still so very hard to believe. :(

I feel like I did in the very beginning...going through the motions. Going through your things, figuring what we’re keeping, what’s going, to whom, where...

And any minute it’s going to hit me again, and completely destroy me.

...

I pray not my angel.

I gave Tyler your new art set I bought you on your last Christmas. You had opened it, but never used it. He loves to draw too he was happy. :)

He was saying things like, “Hailey loved kids. She would of been the best teacher.” They were amazed to see your collections of dolls & stuffed animals, sleeping comfortably on your bed & their make-shift bed on your floor. All tucked in, covered snugly by a blanket.

We all agreed- yes you would of been the best mom & teacher. <3

...

Today we reminisced with your sisters too. There were smiles, laughs & tears. So many memories baby girl. I hope you were there laughing with us. 

I want to create the same feeling in our new home, in the room we have chosen for you- that we feel in your room. It don’t be 100% the same my angel, but it will be special. The one thing I don’t think we can recreate, is your smell. 

All your clothes, blankets and babies smell like you. Like the Victoria Secret spray perfume I got you that you loved & used all the time. 

Tomorrow I’m going to check the bottle for the name & write it down so I don’t forget.

...

It’s so late & im exhausted my angel. I also have to work tomorrow morning & we still have do much to do.

I love you. I miss you. With every breath.

Mommy <3