My mouse,

Your sisters came back from Jersey today with Sydney and your uncles. As soon as I saw Bella I could tell something was wrong & I had a feeling I knew what.

I could always tell in her voice, in her eyes, in the way she acts...I guess like everyone else when they’re sad, it shows. But there’s a deeper sense of sadness I see in both your sisters eyes when it comes to you...
...

Sure enough, we sat on the basement floor, while your sister was rummaging through her memory box looking for a couple notes you had written her in glow-in-the dark pen. She said you wrote a note to her once after having an argument & she saved it. She finally found the tool you have to use to read it...

As she was talking & explaining I asked her how she was. That I could tell something was wrong & I hoped she knew she could talk to me. She started to cry saying how much she misses you. :(

She said how she had fun but there were times she really wished you were here, specially when her &  Sissy weren’t getting along. It always hurts so much to see her break down like that babygirl. I feel so helpless. She always knows how to make me feel better when I have one, I try my best too.

I always remind her how much you loved her & how much you love her still. How you were so lucky to have each other as sisters...

I was sitting there with her while hugging her & wiping her tears...telling her all these things & all of a sudden I look up & there’s a black butterfly fluttering outside the window. I pointed it out to her in excitement & she saw it. <3

I told her see, she’s always with you no matter what. Even if it’s not in the way we wish you could be...I know, I know...

I just want to write & document all these times so your sisters can grow up & remember my angel. The bond was so powerful between you too, I just know in my heart that her anguish & tears were felt by you, wherever you are & a beautiful Haileyfly was summoned to remind us you’re always here, that you will never leave.<3

I told your sister after that, that if she ever needed you...to close her eyes & think of you. It could be anything, but to shut everything else out & listen closely. That if she listens hard enough she will hear & feel you. It may be through a picture of you smiling, a surge of peace or overwhelming love that washes over, even the sound of your voice or laugh...

To watch for signs closely that may not even come at that moment, but will eventually. It’s you. You will never really truly leave us, because you are always with us.

I love you my beautiful girl & I miss you.

Thank your always for our precious signs.

Forever & ever,
Your mommy