Today was Auntie's birthday. We were remembering our trip to Bethany Beach last year on her b-day. We woke up early in the morning & met them there. It was our first time visiting that beach & had so much fun. She remembered you convincing her to go in the still-cold water. Sissy remembered you & the kids following uncle Chris while he was snorkeling & accidently getting lost. You were crying & scared. We were scared too. Thanks to that lady that let you use her cell phone, we found you. You kids were so smart to call....after that, we had auntie's b-day lunch & ice cream cones for dessert.
I'm so glad we went. We're always going to hold on to the all the special memories of all our trips & adventures. Who would of ever thought....that just a year from then we'd be celebrating her birthday without you. I try not to think these things...it makes me sad.
You know, when we would plan things to do with you kids, it would be to just go do something fun. To spend time together. We would of never guessed one day we'd be holding on to the memories like treasures. That's what they are now. Treasures.
You loved your Auntie so much, & I know you still do.
Even when we didn't plan anything at all, but just to hang out you girls would be so excited. She has always been like your second mommy, with a different kind of love, patience & warmth to provide. I always knew from the way you girls love her, that if something ever happened to me, I would want her to be the one to take over...
This pic was from her b-day dinner last night:
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| Look at how pretty she looks. :) |
I thought about you while I got my hair done. The last time, you were there. We all went right before the trip. You sat in the salon chair right beside me & just watched Brittney do her thing. Staring with those beautiful brown eyes....
I couldn't go back to see her this time. I couldn't bare to have to explain to her what happened. Not yet. She knows you, your sisters, about the trip....I just needed to go somewhere where no one knows. Where I don't have to be reminded or explain. But I'm always reminded. When the new girl asked how many kids I have, I still say 3 girls. I still have 3... that will never change. I just can't explain each time...
I was glad for the night out with the girls & to celebrate with Auntie. It forced me to get dressed up & out of the house. I've been scared to look in the mirror, so I just can imagine what others see & think. But mainly I just care about what you would think. My fashionista & little diva. You were the only one that bothered to watch me dress before I went out. You were the one I would ask for advice on clothes, shoes, hair styles. I miss that so much. But even now baby, you are still my inspiration. I know you were beside me last night while I was getting ready. I could see you there with a big smile on your face.
I love you so much my mouse. Where ever I go, I take you with me. Always in my heart & always on my mind.
My sweet angel that I miss.
Always and forever, your mommy. <3
Hermana, your soulshine is so bright that your smile is too great of a light to ever be dimmed. I am so happy that we all went out together. 💜💜💜Really meant so much to me. After the butterfly fluttered by at the pool yesterday, last night I arrived home and started to read about loved ones in heaven and butterflies. I feel so strongly in my heart that it was Hailey. Today, you won't believe it. I was walking with my coworker and good friend and pushing a buggy of six mobile infants around the campus...a butterfly flew all around us. We had to stop because it felt like it would zoom in and out almost playfully as we talked and laughed as we noticed it around us. While she talked, I kept looking at the beautiful butterfly. Again, I thought of you. In my mind I said, Hi Hailey💜 each time I said hello (in my mind) the wings on the butterfly would flap, almost like you would wave your hand at me when we would see each other and say hello. 💜💜😘It was a different one from yesterday. It followed us for at least 10 minutes and just hung out with us right where the handle is where we push after landing on one of the smallest babies there....I felt close again. I had to share this. The last times before this it was at the service (and the day after the church service) where I noticed a butterfly fluttering by us as we walked to where you are. There is something special there. Through my readings I found a poem. Something told me to share it with you sis. Here it is:
ReplyDeleteAm Always With You
When I am gone, release me, let me go.
I have so many things to see and do,
You mustn't tie yourself to me with too many tears,
But be thankful we had so many good years.
I gave you my love, and you can only guess
How much you've given me in happiness.
I thank you for the love that you have shown,
But now it is time I traveled on alone.
So grieve for me a while, if grieve you must
Then let your grief be comforted by trust
That it is only for a while that we must part,
So treasure the memories within your heart.
I won't be far away for life goes on.
And if you need me, call and I will come.
Though you can't see or touch me, I will be near
And if you listen with your heart, you'll hear
All my love around you soft and clear
And then, when you come this way alone,
I'll greet you with a smile and a "Welcome Home".
Unknown
I know she is near. she makes herself known from time to time, specially with the butterflies. We would see them during Isabelle's soccer game...one time Bella said she was so close to her on the field, she was afraid to step on her while she was running. :) thank you for sharing..and for the poem. <3
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