My mouse,

I can't go to bed without letting you know how much my signs made my heart happy today. I want to write more but I'm exhausted babygirl. And tomorrow I have to be in the office, so up early to beat traffic.

At this moment however none of that matters. Nothing else matters except my dream, my Haileyfly, the rock & a visit from your friends....

I can go to bed tonight with some peace in my heart & mind because I know you are truly always watching over us. I know God is real & he hasn't abandoned us.

I love you my little girl.

Happy Halloween in Heaven. <3

Goodnight & sweet dreams.

Forever,
Your mommy

Tomorrow

Baby girl,

Tomorrow is Halloween. Our 3rd without you.

I wish I could say that it gets easier as time goes on, but it doesn't. I wish I could be happy with just the memories, but it's the memories that cause me just as much pain as joy.

I wish....I just wish you were here baby girl.
...

Who knows if you would still be dressing up tomorrow, or hang out with your friends, or stay home to pass out candy. Probably accompany Bella to go trick or treating? Still a kid at heart like her?

What would your costume look like? Something cute & girlie, princessy like usual?
...

My beautiful princess. Wearing your costume for a small little
fall festival at the apartments we used to live at. You were nervous at
first, but soon got the hang of it. Always with that sweet beautiful smile.

...

I will try & not be sad all day, my angel.

I don't know if I'll go out with your sister or just drop her off at Papi's,

Yesterday Auntie & Dylan came over they worked on your kindness rocks with your sisters. Maybe we'll hide them while trick or treating....

Little things like this help me so much. They help me channel this grief into something positive. They had a lot of fun decorating them too & did a great job on them.

Dylan wrote your name on a lot of them. :)

I'm thankful to have their support baby girl. I know they miss & love you just as much & we will never forget you.

Never ever baby girl.

I will pray for strength tonight, for tomorrow. Looking at these rocks....they are a reminder to me. Like the one that says it's ok to scream sometimes. Maybe I'll do that. I will try & remember their messages of love & hope too.

The rainbows, the Haileyflies & mermaids...all those things that make us smile & remind us of you. <3

We miss & love you baby girl.

Nothing is the same without you.

Please come visit me in my dreams, if you can.

Love,
Mommy

~

 

Fall days

My sweet girl,

I think Fall has finally come. I just hope it stays for a while before it gets too too cold. The trees have been slow to turn colors this year for some reason. Really warm days- summer extended.

I can remember all our trips to go see Uncle Mikey & family, in the beginning of October. Loving the scenic view on the way, with all the beautiful fall colored trees. We're now at the end of Oct & they're just finally turning, the cool weather returning.
...

Your sisters have been really busy with homework, projects, studying for tests...since they're both taking advanced classes, they both have been bombarded. As soon as they get home from school, they eat, walk Rocky & start working on schoolwork until they go to bed, every single day. I'm proud of them, but I know it gets tiring for them. It's been non-stop.

I just tell them that I'm proud & remind them that it will all pay off someday.

It's not all work & no play though. Sissy went out with her friends for homecoming last week. Bella went to a dance a few weeks ago & has had spirit week this week. She's made new friends & sees your friends too my mouse. She said Abby, Kimi & Carly always say hi & have hugged her too. <3

I'm so happy & relieved. There are times she gets sad, she says. Thinking of how different school would be if you were there. We've talked about it a few times. But overall, she likes going. She's so strong. <3

As for Sissy, she's been driving to work & school by herself for weeks now. I'm still getting used to it, baby girl. It's still so strange for me.

They're both growing up. She goes to the store & runs errands. I still get nervous, specially when she takes your sister. But she's a good driver & very responsible. It's not that I don't trust her. But there will always be that fear...
...

As for Daddy & I- we keep busy with work. Daddy's still working on getting his license back & fixing his teeth. His dental procedures have been going on for over a year now, but it's finally coming to an end next week. The license thing, is more complicated, but we are getting closer to that too.

We're all still proud of him baby girl. I'm proud of all of us. Despite everything that has happened...we are still standing. Walking, walking forward. But never leaving you behind. You still remain part of us, part of our little family.

We have been busy working on your kindness rocks too, leaving them in random places & they've all been found. <3

They're actually very fun & therapeutic. Bella & I work on them daily & look forward to it. We're going to keep going until supplies run out. :)
...

Staying positive. Moving forward. That is what we're trying to do baby girl.

Next week is Halloween. We've decorated already & bought candy. Sissy has to work but Bella is still planning on dressing up. I'm glad she's still excited about it. I remember how it was one of your favorite holidays- all you girls.

But it feels different now my angel. Sissy working....Bella excited, but not as excited as in the past. Another holiday without you...

Even while trying to stay positive, all these things make a difference. I know things aren't meant to last forever.....I guess I thought they'd at least last a little longer.
...

I'm going to try & savor these Fall Days as best I can, I promise my angel. I've been seeing so many Haileyflies during the walks with Rocky. They make me smile.

Even though the holidays are right around the corner, I can't bring myself to think about them yet or about making any plans. Right now the only thing I'm looking forward to is meeting your cousin Julian & seeing Mikey, Zuli & Joshua at the end of the year.

Still one day at a time my angel.

We miss & love you so much.

Each & every second of every day.

Forever,
Your mommy

 

Sissy's homecoming night.

The sky the other night. Always think of you.

Hiding rocks, like Easter Eggs. :)

<3

 

Kindness Rocks

Dear Hailey,

My sweet & beautiful girl.

I've been seeing so many Haileyflies lately & today I saw a big beautiful orange monarch that  fluttered by as I was looking for a hiding spot for one of your kindness rocks.

I was walking Rocky & passed by the bench by the little lake, pondering whether to leave it there on top of the bench...& it appeared. It's as if you were saying hi & "yes mommy, that's a good spot". <3

Here are some of the kindness rocks we painted over the weekend:

The girls helped paint & decorate them.

...

I wanted to do something special this month & next- for diabetes awareness month. I saw this idea on Abby's page (the little girl your age that was run over by a car :(. I thought it was such a cute idea.

When I researched it, this is what I found:

http://thekindnessrocksproject.com/how-it-all-began

...

The girls pitched in to help.

I wanted to do something special because I want to keep your memory alive my angel- forever & ever.

It's hard to explain the mix of emotions that these kind of "projects" bring my angel; as much pain as joy. One minute we're having a great time painting them & being creative, excited even to hide them for others to find.

The next I feel like I could easily have an anxiety attack over the emotions that overcome me- this wave of grief comes out of nowhere. I can't tell if it's the pain or love I feel...I just have to stop & breathe.
...

Oh my mouse.

After hiding the rocks, we stopped by to drop off the pumpkins at the gardens. Valeria placed a coin Tio gave her under one of the pumpkins. She said, "I think Hailey will want this coin." :) It was so sweet. Then she asked, "How will Hailey know I gave it to her?" I told her you can see everything because you are an angel in the sky. That you can see everything from Heaven.

...

I hope you can baby girl.

I know you can. I hope you can see how much we're trying. How much love you. How much you're missed.

Each & everyday.

Forever & ever,
Your mommy

~

I want to believe.

Always

2 & 1/2 half years

Baby girl,

Some weeks back, a mom from our group posted this poem about her daughter. We were all so moved by it & I asked permission to post it here, she agreed.

This is what comes to mind when I think about today, marking 2 & a half years that you've been gone...



<3

It touched us parents because we can all relate in some or every way...it's our reality. :(

Today my heart didn't forget.

I will never forget.

All those things I said at the gardens, I meant every word. <3

Forever & ever,
Your mommy
...

From Hailey's Angels:

Two & a half years today.💔 A mother's heart never forgets. I miss & love you more everyday. 💜🦋🌈 #neverforget #typeonediabetes #t1d #dka #awareness #haileyfly #haileysangels

Foos Pt 2

Baby girl,

This week is flying by.

I work tomorrow & took Friday off because I already knew I'd need it off; to either cry, be silent or spend it in your room, or work on a special project....

I don't know. I won't know until the day of. All I know is, it will be 2 1/2 years since you've been gone & it won't be a "regular day" for me.

That is the world that we live in now. Trying to live for today, one day at a time. One day things can be ok, even great & the next my heart is breaking all over again missing you.

Maybe I will go to church.
...

I wanted to share the pics from this past weekend, which already feels like it was ages ago. I want to share all the good times as well as the bad...

But more of the good.

Daddy's first FF show. He actually got a Saturday off.

Waiting on an Uber to go to the show.

Sissy back stage with Dave Grohl!

Taylor & Chris.

We talked about how you probably would of stayed at Papi's with Bella, rather than go to the show with us. You both were never huge fans of rock music. You preferred pop/dance music like One Direction, Katie Perry or Taylor Swift...

We smiled thinking of how you would of probably turned your nose up to the grungy scene of the rock shows; the rowdy & grungy crowds, the noise & the people...

We all agreed- "No, Mouse wouldn't like it. She would of rather stayed with Papi & the kids." :)

But you did like live shows I remember baby girl. Like when we went to see Selena Gomez & Kelly Clarkson; you danced & sang & had a good time.

I know you probably wouldn't of gone with us to see the Foos, but I missed you anyway. I missed Bella too.
...

Sissy on the other hand, had a blast. She was so in shock when she met them, & nervous too. She wasn't screaming when she met them on the outside, but in the inside she was screaming & jumping up & down. You know Sissy, :)

That's why Uncle Bri probably agreed to take her, because had it been the other way around, he might of hesitated. Her maturity scored her a free pass, & the fact that she's really a big fan too. ;)
...

Oh baby girl...

We continue to count our blessings.

To try to be good people & live good lives. In your honor. Always. <3

I love & miss you,
Forever your mommy
...

"In Your Honor" Foo Fighters

Can you hear me
Hear me screamin'
Breaking in the muted skies
This thunder heart
Like bombs beating
Echoing a thousand miles

Mine is yours and yours is mine
There is no divide
In your honor
I would die tonight

Mine is yours and yours is mine
I will sacrifice
In your honor
I would die tonight
For you to feel alive

Can you feel me
Feel me breathing
One last breathe before I close my eyes
This suffering
For receiving
Deliver me into the other side

For you to feel alive
For you to feel alive
For you to feel alive
AHH

Foo Fighters part 1

My beautiful baby girl,

It feels like a whole week has gone by yet it's only Tuesday. After a great weekend, we are back to the grind of daily life, back to "normal".

I'm sure you know how great our weekend was because I felt you close several times babygirl. I'm sure you were there with us as we headed south to see one of our favorite bands; the Foo Fighters. I'm sure you were there when Sissy was back stage with Uncle Bri Bri & she got to meet all the band members. I know you were so happy & excited for her. :)

I know you probably laughed at your mommy watching her dance, jump, sing & scream her head off like an old teenager, with Daddy too- his first FF show.

I know you probably were because I felt goosebumps a couple times & I felt as if you were there giving me a big hug, feeling happy that I was happy, at least for that very moment. It's as if I heard you say, "Finally mommy! Yes, you're happy, you're having a good time! Good, finally, it's ok."

I know it sounds crazy to others my angel, but there are times when I hear you say things to me & this was one of them. <3
...

We needed this weekend babygirl.

Everything worked out so smoothly that Sissy & I believe you may even had something to do with it, because everything fell into place so perfectly. It definitely felt as if a higher power was at work.

From the moment of luck when Uncle Bri ran into Dave's mom & rekindled their old friendship, to the next day when she gave him passes to go backstage to see the band & rekindled their old friendships...

Next thing you know, the day of the next show, Uncle Bri was given all access back stage passes, just two. I could of gone there back stage & took that second pass but I didn't. I knew it wasn't meant for me. I knew it was meant for Sissy. She's become such a huge fan, plus I've met them before.

She was so incredibly happy & we were all happy for her. It was like it was meant to be. Everything that had to happen, for her biggest wish to come true, did.
...

We went to visit you at the gardens on the way back to tell you all about it & thank you, my sweet girl.

At the same time, just as I was overcome with joy the night before, I was suddenly overcome with terrible grief & I had to see you & talk to you.

I don't know what came over me other than I just missed you. That's it's almost impossible to feel complete joy & happiness without also feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt & sadness, because you should be physically here sharing all these special moments with us.
...

It's hard to balance the two my angel. It seems like it goes from one extreme to the other. I didn't want that to ruin our weekend, so I tried to remember the goosebumps, your embrace & your words; "it's ok to be happy mommy."
...

Well my angel, I will have to continue this tomorrow. I am so extremely tired & tomorrow will be another long day.

I love you to the moon & back, around the whole universe.<3
Forever, your mommy <3

Wheels

"Wheels" Foo Fighters

I know what you're thinkin'
We were goin' down
I can feel the sinkin'
But then I came around

And everyone I've loved before
Flashed before my eyes
And nothin' mattered anymore
I looked into the sky

Well I wanted something better man
I wished for something new
And I wanted something beautiful
And wish for something true
Been lookin' for a reason man
Something to lose

When the wheels come down (When the wheels come down)
When the wheels touch ground (When the wheels touch ground)
And you feel like it's all over
There's another round for you
When the wheels come down (When the wheels come down)

Know your head is spinnin'
Broken hearts will mend
This is our beginning
Comin to an end

Well, you wanted something better man
You wished for something new
Well, you wanted something beautiful
Wished for something true
Been lookin for a reason man
Something to lose

When the wheels come down (When the wheels come down)
When the wheels touch ground (When the wheels touch ground)
And you feel like it's all over
There's another round for you
When the wheels come down (When the wheels come down)

When the wheels come down (When the wheels come down)
When the wheels touch ground (When the wheels touch ground)
And you feel like it's all over
There's another round for you
When the wheels come down (When the wheels come down)

When the wheels come down (When the wheels come down)
When the wheels touch ground (When the wheels touch ground)
And you feel like it's all over
There's another round for you
When the wheels come down (When the wheels come down)

~

Acts of Kindness

My angel,

Our fight for awareness & a cure of Type One Diabetes still goes on in your memory & many others. Your unofficial foundation, "Hailey's Angels" will still keep giving in your memory as long as we can, as random acts of kindness.

Next week will be 2 1/2 years. I want to plan something in your honor & memory for this date. It might take away the sadness & pain & turn it into something...positive.

You will never be forgotten my beautiful girl.

I love & miss you forever.

Love,
Mommy <3

 

 

Memory

My mouse,

I saw this pic the other day on my FB memories & my heart skipped a beat.

I had a sudden flashback of this day, 3 years ago last October when we were in Tennessee visiting Uncle Mikey & family.

We were in Downtown Chattanooga sightseeing & walking around. Here in this pic, I was lagging behind taking pictures (as always) & you turned around to check on me, to make sure I wasn't too far behind.

That look on your sweet face was one of concern & of "Mom, what are you doing?? Hurry up." But you waited for me anyway to catch up, as you always would.

My sweet girl. <3
...

You were always a mama's girl. Always my tail. Always by my side. Always concerned & worried if I lagged behind or if I wasn't in sight...

The only voicemail I still have of you- was you being worried because I was taking too long while shopping one day.

The time you lost sight of me at Kohl's & you were crying & so scared...

Baby girl.  I miss that. I miss being needed by you & having you worry & being concerened for me.

I miss you. <3
...

You are always & forever in my heart. It's there where love & pain collide; an everyday struggle.

On one end, I wish I could jump back in this picture & take you back. To grab you & hug you & never let you go. The fact that I can't pains me...a crushing pain of pure anguish & despair.

On the other end of that is a pure undying love I feel for you- a love so big there is no name for it, no words that come close to describing the immensity of it....& I suddenly feel so overwhelmed by it, that it drowns out everything else..

I look at that beautiful innocent face & I suddenly feel so thankful for having the chance to be your mommy. To know this kind of love. For the gift I was given. Because even though it was taken from me too soon, it was mine, it is still mine.

You were & will always be mine.

The pain I feel doesn't compare to the love I feel.

And deep down I know & believe that you are looking out for your mommy from Heaven, just like you always did here on Earth.

My sweet angel.

I love you forever.

Mommy <3

Family

My beautiful girl,

There's been so much happening lately, I don't know where to start. I guess I will start by looking where I always look- first into my heart.

Today was Abuelita's 90th birthday celebration with the whole family, except us. Me, Caro & Mikey. Of course Uncle Mikey & family live too far, but I don't know that he would of gone even if he was here...

Auntie & I chose not to go for some complicated reasons my mouse. Reasons that I never got a chance to talk to you about. But I did talk to your sisters. I'm sure you were there listening. If you were, you can understand me & Auntie's reasons for not going.

It has to do with something horrible that happened to us when we were little, something that we kept secret until we were adults, when we were ready to confront the family. But once we did, it received no acknowledgement...instead it was swept under the rug as something small, as nothing at all. Swept under the rug too were our all our feelings; treated as if nothing ever happened, as if it didn't matter, as if we didn't matter.

After years of living with this horrible secret & it's repercussions; the response from our family felt like a slap in the face. Almost like the final straw that broke the bonds of trust, love & protection we always depended on.

Not only did they sweep it under the rug, but they expected us to do the same. To go on like we've been doing this whole time; with no answers, no acknowledgment, no closure...

Instead of receiving the support we were looking for; the response we got from was "Why did you wait all this time? Why bother saying anything at all, now?" And then to get no response at all from the one we needed the most....was so very hurtful.

Sorry baby girl. I didn't want to write this much about it, but you can't imagine how hard it's been for Auntie & I to hold so much in for so long.

I'm glad you can't imagine, or your sisters because it would kill me if you did.
...

Many times since our coming out with this secret, the family (them) has had get-togethers, birthdays, holidays, like nothing ever happened. I tried to make my peace with it, deciding I wasn't going to let it sink me further. Even though it bothered me deep down inside, I knew that if I were to overthink things, it would mean the end of all our family ties altogether. Specially with the one person that matters the most. So I chose to suck it up & look the other way.

Then when you passed away, it seemed to bring us closer together. The love we have for you, the pain of losing you- erased everything in the past. At least for a long while, my angel. We needed each other to overcome. :(
...

But little by little things have a way of re-emerging. Specially things that were never dealt with in the beginning...

Which leads us to Abuelita's 90th birthday party. An event that my sis & I weren't going to treat any differently than years past. They choose to celebrate with whom, where & in which they want. They were never bothered before that we never went. It seemed like that's they preferred. We accepted it. It is what it is (I hate that saying, but it's true).

Why all this has re-emerged now was because they asked us to go this time.

We said no & explained our reasons again. Long story short baby girl, the whole thing got turned around as if to make us feel bad or guilty for the choice we made.

We are supposed to forgive, when no apologies were given. We are supposed to forget, when no attempt for closure has been made. We are supposed to repress our feelings once again, to save face for the sake of our family...

All because the person who is at fault has no balls (excuse my language). Because the one person who could "fix" this, won't or can't or who knows what the fuck (sorry). And we are supposed to be ok with that & move on...
...

I'm sorry again my angel. I know it's a lot for one letter.

I know probably none of this makes sense, yet if you look into my heart you already know...

The hurt this whole thing has caused. Our family has always been so close; even with our many faults. As children we grew up around them, counting on them, depending on them. Maybe that's why this hurts more, because now as adults we see the faults more clearly.

To know that this one thing we knew & relied on to be true & constant, never wavering...our family...really isn't...

Oh baby girl. I feel like we're being looked at being over-dramatic or over-reacting & yet I wonder if this same horrible thing would happen now in our family, with their children....how dramatic or over-reacting would they be?
...

I can say honestly in my heart how proud I am of Auntie & I for making it this far in our lives, despite all the things we've had to deal with & still are dealing with.

I got a chance to talk to her today while we had lunch with the kids. I looked at my sister & felt so thankful to have her in my life. Through thick & thin we've been there for each other & I know in my heart we always will.

I don't have any answers baby girl- for many things. But I know one thing- love always wins. I know that, because it's what held me from breaking apart many times.

The size or the look of a family doesn't matter- it's what's in here, our hearts. I know with that, we will always continue to fight & prosper.

My family; my immediate family, you, your sisters, my brother & sister have a bond that will never break. I can always at least count on that.

In the end, that is all we need. Something or someone we can always count on.

I love you little girl. With all my heart.

I saw so many Haileyflies today when we were in DC, walking for Autism.

They were fluttering all around & my heart smiled. I knew you were there.

I know you're always there.

I know I can count on that too.

Forever & ever,

Your mommy <3

~

Sissy is official. <3

Bella wearing the rainbow loom bracelet you made for her.
You were always so good at these, so patient.

~

Found this yesterday while watering the
grass seeds by your plaque. <3

Tyler B. <3

 

If you look closely in the middle, there's a little lego man with a purple helmet. <3

 

Brought a smile to my face. :)

 

Memory

Mouse,

Was sitting here watching a movie eating Pistachio's thinking of you....

How you & your sisters would love them, but specially you. You would always beg me to get them & I would even though they were so expensive.

You used to love hard shelled peanuts & even the ones that came in the glass bottle- you & Daddy would go to town on those until we outlawed all peanut products after the incident with Bella.

So we moved to Pistachio's & Almonds- both had to be salted of course.

It took me so long to throw out that can of Almonds in the pantry that belonged to you, after we came back from Bolivia. :(

That is grief.

I remember I took a picture of it so I wouldn't forget....

Yesterday, I was shopping alone & had a coupon for the P's. I pictured you beside me walking along & grabbing the bag pleading with those brown puppy dog eyes. So I bought it.

You are always on our mind my sweet girl.

Forever in our hearts. <3

I love you.

Goodnight,
Mommy

Dana's 40th reunion

Baby girl,

I learned this past weekend how important it is to stop all the outside noise once in a while. The noise of TV's, phones, the Internet...all of it.

To go somewhere to get away from it all; to recoup, recharge, refocus. To instead tune in to the voices in our head, in our hearts & our soul.

That's what we did this weekend (me & Uncle Bri-Bri). We escaped to the mountains & had a grand old time with old friends. It wasn't exactly silent- there was noise, but it was in the form of talking, crying & lots & lots of laughter.
...

We were there; at Dana's parents' house in the mountains to celebrate Dana's 40th, a week early because next week will be too hard on her parents.

This is the third birthday celebration they've had without her. Our first to attend, because we just haven't been able to before, which we both felt bad about. But I think the timing was right, it actually couldn't of been better.

Like her parents said to us. "We knew you'd come when you were ready."

We were definitely ready baby girl.

To think we share the same pain of losing a child. To think we'd be reunited so many years later...to remember the life of our dear Dana. Someone who was once so alive- more than anyone I ever met...only to be talking about her in past tense.
...

But our reunion wasn't as heartbreaking as that baby girl. I'm sure you know & she knows, that we were so filled with joy to see them again. To share, to laugh & to remember so many good memories. Even the bad ones. How healing it was- how much it was needed, by all of us.

It couldn't of gone any better.

Even though I've always felt they were a part of me, I felt it more this weekend. They are my family too. They were my second family during my high school years & then life drifted us apart. But the memories are forever.

It's like Di-Di said (Dana's mom)- she said it reminded her of a song from Adele...the lyrics recalling the best time of our lives. She mentioned a couple lines & I found the lyrics:

We all agreed.
...

She didn't know you had passed baby girl. She didn't know much about me of course, after all these years. Or Brian for that matter. We talked about it only briefly because another mutual friend of ours, was there & was struck with grieve because of our other friend Christian's death....

& anyway baby girl, I'm sure you know no one could get in a word in edgewise. But it's ok. No words are needed. One knowing look, one heart talks to another- we just know.

We did speak enough to talk about signs & grief...but I will share those later. It will have to be continued in another letter my angel.

Tomorrow I have to go in to the office, so I have to get up early & I haven't slept well this past week as it is...

Oh my sweet girl.

How I wish you were here laying on my bed like you used to. We would lay facing each other & talk about our day. I would silently lay there & listen & admire you...thinking it unbelievable that I created something so beautiful & precious. Wondering what the hell I did right in this world to deserve you...

& now you're in another world. Far enough away that I can't touch or hold you, or look into those amazing brown eyes & wonder again in bewilderment, wondering what I did to deserve you.

Now I wonder what I did to deserve losing you.
...

I know this is not the way to think. I've learned better along the way. Even this weekend, I learned better. I have to take away what I've learned & try & leave the rest behind. I know this is what you want me to do, my sweet angel.

I know this is what you are always wanting to teach me.

I'm trying. I just still miss you that's all.

Again, I will go to sleep remembering that big night sky full of stars- up in the middle of the mountains...

I will go to sleep in peace knowing that your light shines down, that you are ok, more than ok. That you can see our light from up above too.

The light of our love that shines for you. I know you can see it too.

Always & forever,
Your mommy <3

~

October

Mouse,

Happy October my sweet girl. I just came back from a great weekend at Dana's mom & dad's place. I didn't get much sleep so I'm heading to bed early, in order to face another long Monday tomorrow...

I just wanted to go to bed tonight thinking of being under the beautiful stars like we were last night- I know you there baby girl. We felt your presence just like we felt Dana's & Christian's...

There are so many things I learned & felt this weekend, I will write you more later. For now my sweet angel, know that you are in every fiber of my being.

I will go to sleep remembering that great big sky full of stars, knowing that your light shines amoung them.

I love & miss you baby girl.

Goodnight & sweet dreams,
Mommy